Breaking Up With The Alpha Page 18
As he sat across from Nicky on the sofa, he wondered just how angry Nicky still was. Nicky kept his head turned away, but Marco could see him sneaking little glances, moving just his eyes. Finally, he blew out a long breath. ’’Well, damn it. Say something. I\m not getting any younger here.’’
’’There\s not much to say, sweetheart, except I love you very much, and I want you to come home.’’
’’Oh, just like that, huh? Suddenly you love me, after making my life miserable for months. And for nearly two years before that?’’
Nicky shot him a hot, furious glance. ’’Well, tough shit. I don\ love you.’’
Marco nodded thoughtfully. ’’All right, baby.’’
’’Don\ f*king \aby\ me! I don\ !’’
’’I said, all right.’’
’’Well, what the hell does that mean? I\m not going back with you, you know. You can\ make me.’’
’’Now, baby, we both know I can make you if I want to stop talking foolishness.’’
Nicky blew out a long breath. ’’Damn you, Marco. I won\ go home with you!’’
’’Yes, Nicky, you will. At least for now. I\m trying to give you time to get used to me again, before I take those cuffs off, take you in the bathroom and give you a good bath, which you badly need, by the way. Then I\m going to wrap you up in a blanket and you\ e going to ride in my lap all the way home. I\ll probably kiss you most of the way, too, so get ready for that, because I love you even if you don\ love me, and I\m never going to stop.’’
’’I-I...damn you, Marco, why won\ you listen to me?’’
’’Because I want to do what\s best for you, and Zack said your mind was clouded with alcohol and drugs, so I think I know what you really need right now, darling.’’
Nicky made a scoffing sound. ’’You don\ know the location of your own asshole.’’
Marco smiled and shrugged. ’’As a matter of fact, I do. Yours too, for that matter.’’
Nicky\s lips twitched, but he still refused to look directly at Marco.
Marco tried again. ’’I\m not trying to boss you, darling, and I am listening, but right now, you\ e not making a lot of sense. Once you\ e home and rested and you\ e back to your normal self again, you can make decisions about whether or not you\ll forgive me and let me spend the rest of our lives trying to make all this up to you.’’ He held up a hand as Nicky started to sputter out a protest. ’’I know, I can never make this up to you, but I want to try. Just give me a chance, that\s all I ask. Just one chance! I want to hold you in my arms and try to explain how terribly mixed up I was, and how stupid and pigheaded I was too.’’
’’I don\ believe a damn word of this,’’ Nicky said, shaking his head. ’’You want to control me, possess me again. I tried to do that for you in the past, because I loved you so much. I knew better even at the beginning I knew I was doing the wrong thing by letting you boss me around so much, by allowing you to think you controlled me because you\ e bigger than I am. But I was trying to make you happy, and all it did was drive us further apart.’’
’’I know that now.’’ Marco hesitated, trying to find the words to make him see how it was. How he\d taken love, true love, pure, beautiful love and treated it as if it were his right. By trying so hard to control Nicky\s exuberance, his lovely free spirit, he tried to destroy the very thing that was so unique about Nicky, the thing that had attracted him in the first place. ’’I know I was selfish, Nicky. I tried to force you to stay with me from the beginning, keeping you tied down to keep you with me. I was terrified you\d leave me, but too damn macho to admit it. All those times you ran away from me only made it worse. I was determined to own you, to mark you as mine in some way. I didn\ trust that you could stay because you loved me as much I loved you.’’
Nicky turned bitter eyes toward him. ’’Why is that, Marco? Have you never looked in a mirror before?’’
He shook his head doggedly. ’’I know all that,’’ he said, brushing it aside as if it were unimportant. ’’But I\ve never been like you, baby, so free and complete within yourself. You know exactly who you are and what you\ e worth. People love you Nicky, really love you. It\s because you\ e beautiful inside as well as outside. They follow me because of tradition and fear, not out of any kind of love.’’
’’That\s not even true, so stop feeling so sorry for yourself,’’ Nicky said sharply. ’’They love you as much as you let them. You\ e not always easy to love.’’
Marco sat listening to him, nodding and accepting what he said, not getting angry about it as he might have done in the past. Nicky looked at Marco for the first time as if he might believe Marco had truly changed in some way.
Marco spoke again, desperate to make Nicky understand. ’’I really didn\ remember you at first, baby, but it didn\ take me long to fall in love with you all over again. That scared me so damn bad I didn\ know what to do.’’
Nicky was watching him, seeming to be fascinated, despite himself.
’’Why?’’ he whispered.
’’Because you were so beautiful and sweet and funny, and I could see how much everybody loved you. Right from the beginning I was so jealous. You were mine, but everyone wanted a piece of you. Even that damn doctor. I didn\ know how much you loved me then. Memories kept coming back of times you ran away and left me, and I thought it was only a matter of time before you left me again. So I-I think I pushed you away, to see what would happen, and at first you kept coming back. No matter how much I asked of you, you kept coming. So I thought, yes, I can hold him with his love. I can use his love against him and keep him just for myself. Of course, it was never enough, so I kept pushing. I suggested dissolution, kind of as a test, maybe even, God help me, a threat, But you agreed. I thought, okay, there it was. I had been waiting for the other shoe to drop and there it f*king was. The minute you left my office that night I knew what a terrible mistake I\d made and what a colossal fool I was.’’
’’Yes,’’ Nicky said bitterly. ’’You are.’’
’’I admit it. Dr. Cornsilk tried to make me understand, and I thought I finally did. I was coming to talk to you at the party for Evan and then he was there. Jeremy Tate, putting his hands and his mouth on you. And you let him! Damn, it almost killed me. I had to make you mine again. I knew we were meant to be together, and the hell with any bloodmatch.’’
’’No, Nicky said, shaking his head. ’’When I woke up, you were gone. I was just a booty call to you.’’
’’Baby, you\ e not \just\ anything to me. I left to go talk to the doctor to see if there was any way I could get the bloodmatch back to be even closer to you than I already felt. I thought maybe if we could link our minds again I could make you see how sorry I was for everything. Maybe then I could talk you into staying with me. I was coming back that morning to tell you how much I loved you and to beg you to come back to me. Then I got the news that you had left me.’’ Marco sank down on his knees in front of Nicky and gently took his hand in both of his. ’’Please come back home to me, darling. I promise you I\ll change.’’
Nicky glanced down at him, making a soft little ’’Humph’’ sound. He seemed to be thinking things over furiously. Marco could almost see the thoughts tumbling through his head. Marco waited him out quietly, holding his breath.
’’If I agreed to come back...and that\s a big if...I won\ come back as your little slave.’’
’’Agreed,’’ Marco said quickly.
’’I might not even live with you right away...well, at least I wouldn\ sleep in the same room. Well, probably.’’
’’Okay,’’ Marco said softly. ’’I understand.’’
’’We\d have to be married again immediately, and in front of the entire pack.’’ Nicky said, pointing his finger in Marco\s face. ’’You took away all my status with the pack as the alpha\s pet, and those things are important to wolves. Stupid, but the wolves respond to it. I won\ come back otherwise.’’
A huge grin split Marco\s face. ’’Yes, darling.’’
’’It doesn\ mean I\ve forgiven you, either. I may never forgive you. You may have to spend the rest of our lives together doing major sucking up.’’
’’Of course.’’ Marco nodded. ’’I will.’’
Nicky sighed deeply, like a tired child. ’’All right. You can take off these cuffs and take me to the bathroom. I want a shower though. Alone. No tubs.’’
’’Of course,’’ Marco said again, springing over to undo his cuffs and release him, then standing back up and holding out a hand to him. ’’Are we okay, then, Nicky? Just a little?’’
Nicky stood up and glared at Marco, but Marco pressed up against him and tried to kiss him on the neck. ’’Will you let me make it up to you? Are we done with this?’’
Nicky pushed him back and gave him an icy stare before he reached out and grabbed Marco by the balls and squeezed hard, almost bringing him to his knees. ’’We\ e done when I say we\ e done.’’ He pulled down on Marco\s balls until he sank lower to bring his face on a level with Nicky\s. ’’And we\ e not done!’’
Marco closed his eyes and sighed. ’’Oh, thank God,’’ he said, and Nicky smiled.